Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Dave: Down but not out...yet.


Out on the Thames Captain Jack Sparrow, disguised as Bob Geldof, was duking it out with Nigel Farage, disguised as Nigel Farage.

Inside the Commons, Downing Street Dave was doing the same with Mahmoud Abbas, President of the Palestinian National Authority.

Jeremy Corbyn, meanwhile, was doing it with himself.
Confused? Welcome to the last Prime Ministers Questions before the referendum.

You could tell it was going to be special when the present holder of the position turned up 15 minutes early.
With opinion polls saying he will be on the losing side, Dave slid into his seat for what could be the last time.

In the not so distant past his arrival would have been marked by appreciative animal noises from his backbenchers.
But the referendum has put paid to that as his once loyal supporters try to work out who could be in charge next week.

Gone from his side Chancellor George, despatched to the streets to frighten children and Brexiteers with stories of death and destruction.
George had enlisted former Labour Chancellor Alistair Darling to present a joint message of despair to those who would vote “out”.

But the  ‘joint’ in joint approach had run out as soon as it reached the ears of Jeremy and his pals.
Dave tried desperately to claim common purpose with the Labour leader but he was having none of it.

Just to get the confusion off to a good start, the BBC captioned the first questioner to the PM as  Palestinian chief Abbas.
He had sneakily appeared masquerading as Waveney MP Peter Aldous, unknown to virtually all until this moment.

Sadly his moment of fame only lasted as long as it took somebody in the studio to spot the slight error.
Dave could then turn his full attention to Jeremy who was masquerading as a EU supporter. 

The Labour leader was sporting a jaunty’IN’ badge on his lapel
Whether he was wearing it to remind himself which side he was on remains to be seen but he made it clear to Dave that it wasn’t his.

As the PM tried a few tentative moves towards common ground Jeremy proceeded to fall out with himself.
Dave smiled, Jeremy got angry. Dave grinned, Jeremy got even angrier.

The Prime Minister said he welcomed the fact that he and Jeremy backed the EU. Jeremy welcomed the fact that they didn’t.

On the Tory side half the MPs sported ‘out’ badges and they wanted a share in any anger that was around.

On the Thames Admiral Farage had led his fleet of fishing boats into a skirmish with Captain Geldof’s pleasure cruisers and both were angry.

Back In the Commons, Speaker Bercow, never happier than when Dave is angry, stretched PMQs by an extra ten minutes.

There had been “hysterical scaremongering” said an MP from the side forecasting 70m Turks turning up next Sunday.
The PM, whose Chancellor forecasts a £30bn blackhole if we leave, just smiled.

Watch this space.