Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Jeremy and Dave - They did not hold hands.

Michael Gove came as a set of curtains, the Lord Great Chamberlain came as Ronnie O’Sullivan and Speaker Bercow came as an antimacassar.

The leader of the people’s party put the revolution on hold for the morning and came along in somebody else’s blue suit.
And the Queen came along as the queen and thus the state opening of parliament for 2016 got underway.

For the uninitiated, this is when the sovereign takes some the blame for the latest mutterings of Number 10.
To maintain the fiction that the Queen’s speech had something to do with the Queen required a cast of thousands, a hundred miles of gold thread and a dressing up box to die for.

It needed men in tights, a few dozen halberds, Black Rod, the grand old Duke of Edinburgh and a carrier bag made out of a cushion cover.
A few assorted heralds, gentlemen at arms, beefeaters and a tea cosy called the Cap of Maintenance and all was set.

The  Queen arrived on time but set hearts-a-fluttering when the royal coach sailed past the official entrance.
The stairs were lined as traditional with blokes in boots but the Queen (90) and the Duke (94) had taken the lift.

In the House of Lords people you thought long dead were propping each other up waiting for the speech.
Meanwhile over in the Commons MPs waited for the official invite.
When it came Dave and Jeremy led off the crocodile - but they did not hold hands.

Truth be told Dave, who since the Europe campaign started can count his friends on the fingers of one hand, tried desperately to get a chat going. 
But the Labour leader, who had never expected to have to obey a royal summons was having none of it.

As Dave mouthed polite nonsense in his direction Jeremy found the ceiling architecture fascinating.
The PM looked panicky as he continued to pour offerings into Jeremy’s right ear.

But giving into the Queen was clearly surrender enough for one day and Dave was unanswered
Finally piling into the Lords, both men looked disinterested in what was happening post-referendum. 

The Queen said what was planned in her name. The Duke did not believe a word of it. 
Then as suddenly as it began it was over. The Queen headed for the lift.
Dave headed for trouble.