Monday, April 11, 2016

He holstered his finger and left.

It was when Dennis Skinner coupled the adjective dodgy with the name Dave that the fun began.

Until then the greatest crisis facing the Government since the last greatest crisis looked like frittering out.
There had been a bit of handbag wielding and pots and kettles had been thrown about.

Jeremy had lost his rag and the aforementioned Dave had oiled his way around his excuses.
But increasingly bored MPs were chatting amongst themselves when the Speaker called for a contribution from the Beast of Bolsover.

Until then Dave had had a relatively easy time defending the disaster that has marked his defence of his personal finances for the past week.
Having cocked it up five days on the trot all he could do was nail together his apologies and read them all out at once.

His own side were - as it involved money - totally supportive and parked Europe for the afternoon.

Jeremy Corbyn got his own tax returns out just in time to take the high moral ground and blasted the Prime Minister.
He even put morals and money in the same sentence scandalising Tory MPs who apparently did not know you could.

But it was Dennis, aged 84 and as unbending as he was when he first entered Parliament way back in the last century, who had the day.
Called to his feet, he pointed a wavering finger at the Prime Minister and prepared to speak.

A collective wail went up on the Conservative back benches at the appearance of their childhood nightmare.
An ex-miner with a northern accent - even a few Labour MPs quailed.

It was Speaker Bercow’s present to the PM whose own view of Dave is hardly complimentary.
And having been Skinnered before he knows each new outing has its own speciality.

And so it was today as the Beast decided to dispense with with parliamentary procedure and introduce the phrase ‘dodgy Dave.’
If you could bottle outrage, several gallons could have immediately have been sold on the Tory backbenches.

Dennis stood grinning and content as the enemy erupted in demands for everything from the rack to the firing squad.
This was unparliamentary language, he was told by the Speaker.

He would have to find an alternative adjective to ‘dodgy’ when describing the Prime Minister.
Dennis repeated ‘dodgy’ and ‘Dave’ just in case he had not been heard the first time.

As for alternative adjectives…

Withdraw or go, said the Speaker rather sadly.

Dennis holstered his finger and left.