Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Jeremy - 100 not in.

Tory MP Michael Fabricant said it all yesterday when he used - as he later described it - “ an eight letter word beginning with ‘b’ and ending in ‘cks’.“

Mr Fabricant, for those who don’t know, is the MP who borrows Boris’s hair in the Commons when he is not using it.
We borrow his word since it most accurately sums up what happened between 12 noon and 12.34 pm today in the same place.

Regulars will know that this time spot marks the pre-lunch parliamentary aperitif otherwise known as Prime Ministers Questions.

And if that was not special enough, today was also to mark the 100th question asked by the leader of the Opposition, Jeremy Corbyn.
No-one knew that until Jeremy kindly offered the information himself just before this week’s contest kicked off.

PMQs has not been the most successful area of operation for the Labour leader but he had now, he said, worked out why.
David Cameron, it would appear, ”has carried on failing to give proper answers.” 

There are some - indeed many - who have long suspected that the purpose of PMQs was not, in Dave’s mind, an opportunity to enlighten the nation.
But would this new knowledge change the thirty-odd minutes that lay ahead?

Dave arrived to the noisy level of support always associated in the Conservative Party with treason.
Jeremy arrived with the silence that marks the same in people’s party.

As the Labour leader has declared PMQs a Europe-free zone Dave now treats it as rare relief from the real business of the day.
 His MPs, weapons left at the door, take the time to remind themselves they are still officially members of the same party.

Jeremy is not someone for whom anger is a strong suit but he
must have been pondering his discovery of Dave’s deceit overnight. 
 Mr mild-mannered had been given the day off and Mr mildly-angry had turned upon his place.

The Prime Minister was guilty of providing “unclear answers” on the previous 99 occasions he had questioned him he charged.
The Prime Minister was guilty of equivocating and dodging the questions asked, was Jeremy’s analysis.

Dave, impressed by the depth of his own deviousness, paused to take bows. His own side hooted at the thought of him giving a straight answer to anyone.

The Prime Minister dutifully ignored Jeremy’s question which included uncomfortable facts and come out with an answer that didn’t.

Jeremy, forgetting his overnight discoveries , said the PM was not answering the question he had just asked but the one before.
Dave looked shocked at the charge that he had answered any question at all.

A brief smile stretched the skin on the pale face of Chancellor George tucked in at the PM’s side.
Down the bench Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt came off the oxygen as he realised his namesake would not be raising today’s doctor’s
strike.

By now Tory MPs were letting Dave know that for the remaining 20 minutes of the session he was definitely their leader.
The Prime Minister cheerfully congratulated Jeremy on getting to 100 not out. 

100 not in seemed the verdict on the Labour side.