Wednesday, March 23, 2016

If only there had been curtains.




It should have been David Cameron’s worst week ever - but that was before Labour rode to the rescue.
Only the people’s party could shoot itself in the foot and then stick it in its own mouth for good measure.

It should have been the worst day of the worst week as Jeremy Corbyn faced the Prime Minister at PMQs.
Dave had even turned up early studying his notes furiously, brow furrowed, for the contest ahead.

Jeremy had gone out and hired the blue suit again and looked remarkably calm for what was to follow.
He had a bit of ground to make up since he’d forgotten to mention Ian Duncan Smith last time he was out.

This was a tad embarrassing since the departure of IDS was the only story in town.
But today it would surely be put right and the Labour leader got off to a good start.

He was measured, cutting and comprehensive over the cock-up in disabled benefits.
He mentioned IDS by name and  then mentioned him again for security.

Chancellor George, yesterday’s brass-necked triumph behind him, remembered how to squirm.
The new IDS - a bloke with a beard from Wales - managed to insert himself on the end of the front bench.

Dave appeared so confused that he started a row with himself.
Labour MPs remembered how to jeer and general mayhem broke out.

Then the PM mentioned the list.

The list, for those not yet in the know, was helpfully drawn up by someone in Jeremy’s office to mark the loyalty of his MPs.
Leaked, in the best traditions, to today’s Times, it lists Labour MPs from ‘core supporters’ through ‘neutral’ to ‘hostile’.

It was so good you realised Dave had just been waiting his chance.

As Jeremy rumbled on he happily ignored him, pointed out the hostiles, encouraged the neutrals and declared himself a member of the core.

“I thought I had problems”, he said as his own hostiles declared a  five-minute truce to concentrate on the other enemy.
The Labour leader was still talking but no-one was listening.

Speaker Bercow intervened to suggest the public would not be impressed; MPs made it clear they were not impressed with Speaker Bercow.

Jeremy said it was “time to leave the theatre”.

If only there had been curtains.