Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Jeremy loses it -and loses it.


Had a hammock been slung from the ceiling of the chamber, David Cameron could have properly relaxed during Prime Ministers Questions.

As it was he had to get by snuggling down on the front bench as he patiently waited for lunch.

After a week circumnavigating Europe, a quiet hour was just what he needed and Jeremy Corbyn was there to provide it.

Dave rather likes Jeremy’s new politics where voices are never raised and insults never swapped.
He also really likes the Labour leader’s deft skill at avoiding grilling him on the issues of the day.

So with striking doctors on the streets, Syrian refugees back on the move and the Tories in chaos over Europe, Jeremy asked about housing.
Backbenchers on both sides took this as an immediate signal to get on with other work. 

Down the Government front bench, Ministers settled down to chats about the lunch menu.
Chancellor George clasped his hands tightly to stay awake but Foreign Secretary Phillip Hammond let a yawn break free.

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt, hauled into mauling distance in case the doctors were mentioned, looked as if he’d won the lottery.
The other Jeremy said he had questions about housing from Rosie, “in her 20’s.”

There used to be a time when involving real people in PMQs threw Dave.
But now he knows they are not waiting outside, he is more than happy to play along.

Jeremy asked, Dave answered. Jeremy asked again, Dave answered again.
It has of course to be remembered in all these exchanges that it’s Prime Ministers Questions and not Prime Ministers Answers.

Dave always remembers and so his answers are in fact questions to Jeremy.
The Labour leader, on the other hand, keeps forgetting the rules. 

It used to be one of the pleasures of PMQs watching Dave being wound up and threatening to explode over all around him.
But new politics ruled this out, or at least until today when the baton passed across the chamber.

Instead of the PM floating off his feet, is was Jeremy’s guy ropes which suddenly came loose. 
Either that or his deputy, the gargoyle also known as Tom Watson, had dropped off and let go of his.

One moment Dave was ignoring him as usual in his answer, the next an angry Jeremy had the hump.
Signs of movement on the Labour benches momentarily attracted the attention of the usual suspects and Jeremy was encouraged to show more temper.

The Labour leader dutifully did and his own backbenchers stared with disinterest.
Dave, meanwhile, was enjoying the show whist re-arranging his blankets.

It was noticed that throughout the proceedings Jeremy was sporting a badge which proclaimed: “Love Unions.”
But doctors, clearly not the BMA.