Wednesday, February 03, 2016

Dave and Jeremy - chuntering on.


There may be times when it is possible to feel sorry for Dave of Downing Street.

His party half hate him, Fleet Street half hate him and the Labour Party will whole hate him - when it gets over hating itself.

But luckily today was not love-a-Dave-day thanks to Europe, Prime Ministers Questions and his general smarminess.

In fact PMQs provided a rare oasis of calm on a day when the leader of the free world (Westminster branch) found himself with his tender bits between two house bricks.

He knew he was in trouble from the moment he woke up and found himself monstered in the morning papers.
Fleet Street’s finest, or at least those who take the right-wing shilling, united to condemn his deal on Europe.

Dave was down to take a further drubbing from his own side later in the day but first PMQs had to be got through.
The braying was less than fulsome when he finally made it to his feet and immediately obvious was the absence of his main man, Chancellor George.

With Europe guaranteed  to split the party for ever and a day, the PM’s best friend and would-be replacement had decided a sickie was in order.
Luckily for the PM, Labour’s leader Jeremy Corbyn had not followed suit.

It must have been odd for the Labour leader to find himself out of the Fleet Street firing line.
And, in an attempt to stay there he chose to grill Dave on the subject on no-one’s lips, health.

To be fair to Jeremy - a phrase in disuse - the nation is not agog over the PM’s constant visits to Brussels.
Indeed when asked what issues currently occupy their minds, ordinary people -  aka everyone else - rank Europe after the Voice.

Jeremy decision to choose health meant an immediate move by backbench MPs to other forms of amusement.
Some took to their iPads, others mouthed insults across the chamber to keep their hands in, a few seemed to be listening.

Special mention must go to Shadow Health Secretary Heidi Alexander, promoted for the day to Jeremy’s side.
It may be an affliction of the job - Jeremy Hunt has it - but sitting next to your leader produces severe bouts of noddiness.

In fact if you are in a London A and E this afternoon and meet  woman whose head has unscrewed, ask her if her first name in Heidi.

Anyway Jeremy asked about health in England, Dave answered about health in Wales and everybody else talked among themselves.

Angus Roberston, leader of the SNP, ignored today’s convention and raised Europe. The PM ignored Angus.

Speaker Bercow complained that SNP members were “chuntering on” and they chuntered on about what he meant.

Then it was time to end PMQs and talk about Europe.