Wednesday, October 21, 2015

#pmqsketch Cameron's Crimson Tide

It was when the Prime Minister said he didn’t want to make promises he could not keep that even Tory MP’s started to smirk.
Labour MP’s laughed out loud for the first time since the election and Dave rewarded them with a wobbly.
If song sheets had been available then a chorus of  “happy days are here again” would have broken out.

As it was the Cameron crimson tide was a long time coming at Prime Ministers Questions.
There had been indications from the off that the kettle was on the boil.

J. Hunt minor, ever the bellwether of Prime Ministerial moods, could be seen cowering behind the Speaker’s chair.
Then the Glum family appeared to have replaced the Cabinet on the Government front benches. 
Finally Chancellor George, normally cleaved to Dave’s side, had swopped  with Theresa May leaving her firmly in harm’s way.

Having been dumped on by his own side over tax credits yesterday and due for a shellacking over steel, today was never going to be easy for the PM.
Even his bully boys appeared to have turned the volume down from outrageous to just ridiculous to mark the seriousness of the occasion.

In times past this attempt at semi-acceptable behaviour would
have been abandoned within seconds as the leader of the Opposition climbed to his feet.
But week three of Jeremy Corbyn’s new politics and his refusal to play the game has left them all confused.

His continued unwillingness to release Dave’s inner Flashman is causing problems all round.
He was at it again today with quiet questions about the PM’s problems.
What did Dave think about Tory MPs rubbishing his cuts to tax credits, he almost whispered.

Confident that the Chancellor has all their names and home addresses, the PM prevaricated.
The bully boys bristled but Mr Corbyn fixed them with ”that look” and public school training kicked in.

Jeremy went at him again and over the Labour benches there appeared a long missing thought bubble; “Gotcha!” it said — and then Jeremy stopped.
As another thought bubble formed over Labour ranks, their leader kindly lifted the PM off his hook and sat him down unscathed.

As Corbyn’s cohorts assimilated this unexpected turn of events the Tory benches comradely shared their confusion.

Luckily for Labour you can take Dave out of the hubris but you can’t take the hubris etc. etc.
Having escaped almost unscathed from Jeremy the PM described himself
“delighted” at the tax credit cuts in a comment guaranteed to haunt him and his.
And even as Downing Street was scrambling to tell the nation what he “really” meant, Dave at last delivered on his temper.

Only in the Commons on his way to see what else the Chinese want to buy, the PM was hoping to get away early.
But a combination of insults from his friend Speaker Bercow plus a question on Chinese steel dumping from an affected Labour MP did for him. 

The words “self righteous” and several aargh’s met in the same sentence as the crimson tide finally broke over the Cameron countenance 
Theresa May blanched, the Cabinet did a reverse Mexican wave and Hunt minor did a runner.

As will this issue.