Wednesday, October 07, 2015

#con15 Demob Dave.... What can it all mean?

The Tory Party conference gave a standing ovation to equality today as four days in Manchester finally took their toll.
Hallucinogenic drugs and Boddingtons best bitter were being blamed as the nasty party emerged, blinking, into the 20th century - plans still on hold for the 21st.

The shock move came during an appearance in front of the faithful of their present hero, and  Prime Minister, David Cameron.
In times past Tory leaders treated the conference - which has absolutely no power or influence - with contempt. It still has no power or influence.

But it does have a stage and Dave bestrode it this morning as he took his bows for the general election success neither he, nor his members, expected.
‘Sleekit’ is the word that best comes to mind in describing the appearance of the PM. “Artfully flattering or ingratiating” and “having a glossy skin or surface” are but two of its definitions.

Unkind critics might say he oozed his way onto the podium but that might have been the after effects of Manchester’s rainy welcome.
As it was, the master of all he surveyed, was more than ready for any adulation heading in his direction.
And a standing ovation even before he said hello was just the start he was looking for.

Like pantomimes, Tory conferences have tried and tested traditions which can be trotted out when times are good or bad.
The election of Jeremy Corbyn as Labour leader, coming hard on the heels of the general election, means times in Tory terms are very good indeed.

Tony Blair and even Ed Miliband, despite the best efforts of the Daily Mail, left members confused as they suspected they would be decent members of the golf club given a chance.
But Jeremy has restored their faith in the Labour Party and all Dave had to do was to call out the Tory equivalent of “he’s behind you” and they were on their feet.

They were up again when the PM, having yesterday backed Theresa May for describing immigrants as the enemy within, today named everyone in the hall who sounded the least bit foreign as the way ahead.

When he announced that generation rent was to be replaced by generation buy, generation thug was nervously eyeing his neighbour to see if the stand-up-and-clap button had been pressed again.
Unlike Labour,where delegates sometimes look if they were waiting to sign on, the Tory conference looks like an estate agents - and their dads - day out. There are women present but the impression of sufferance remains.

Now he had them off balance, Dave dropped in a “Trident” and an “Our Boys”, guaranteed knee straighteners. He even squeezed in a “Europe” which had them not knowing which way to turn - just like their leader.

Having noted Labour’s drift to the dotty, he added to the confusion by having sensible things to say about prisoners, drug takers, single mums and other matters requiring a social conscience.
By now everyone in the hall was checking their tickets  and so, when he mentioned equality, they were up again - although some weren’t sure they were for it or against it.

With Labour apparently going loopy, Dave had promised to park his tanks on Jeremy’s lawn, but now appeared to have parked on his sofa.

Having already put his notice in five years early, it was hard to work out if the PM was already demob happy.
Certainly his every move was being scrutinised by the Gang of Four or Five or Six or Seven who are after his job.
There was Boris and Theresa politely ignoring each other, the woman from Education just being  ignored and Chancellor George ignoring everyone. And there was Sam Cam dressed in red. 

What could it all mean?