Wednesday, September 09, 2015

#pmqsketch Sept 9th "Jeremy's Joke"

This time next week, the weird with the beard will be leader of the Labour Party and facing David Cameron at Prime Ministers Questions.
By then the Daily Mail will have revealed he is second cousin to Karl Marx, best friends with every nutter everywhere and a subscriber to the Pol Pot plan for reviving the economy.
He will have changed his name by deed poll from Jeremy to Comrade Corbyn and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will have taken lodgings in Islington.

Luckily the revolution is not booked until 11am on Saturday which allowed a little old lady from London to say “good morning your majesty” in the mirror this morning for the 23,226’th time.
Down the House of Commons it was paeans of praise time as MPs fought to set new standards of sycophancy.
Ominously Comrade Corbyn was not present, nor indeed was the Queen - of which more later. And neither was around for what followed, the first PMQ’s after the summer break.

Having been Edless for the last four months, it was time for the Labour Party to say goodbye to stand-in Harriet Harman and who better to do it than Dave.
After years of being rude to her and about her, he revealed he’d never meant it and he had always liked her really.
Tory backbenchers, used to taking their cue in double-speak from their leader, cheered lustily without a hint of shame.

Suitably disarmed, Harriet asked a series of statesmanlike questions about refugees and Dave, suitably happy, gave a series of disingenuous answers.
With the moral high ground now thankfully occupied by Germany, the PM settled the cloak of statesmanship comfortably about his shoulders and promised to think carefully about it.
And with “it” being a bit of a topic back in their constituencies his MPs were relieved with this detailed answer which they could now transmit back home.

The Prime Minister looked buffed, toned and tanned after his several summer holidays, unlike Chancellor George sitting next to him who had the pallor of someone who vacationed in a graveyard.
His looks were matched across the chamber by Andy Burnham, favourite for the Labour leadership until he displayed his charisma bypass.
Across the Labour benches the usual suspects, after a lifetime of happily rebelling, considered the horror of taking responsibility for their actions.
As they contemplated shadow cabinet positions, it was reported one of Jeremy’s pals  said he should now quit the contest and say he only did it as a joke.
Not laughing, Yvette Cooper sitting next to Harriet with a face like a slapped Dave.

But by now hostilities had half resumed and a series of uncomfortable questions had the PM building up a nice head of steam.
His newish front bench team, many still totally unknown to the nation, avoided eye contact as their leader turned up the gas.
As befits the party of the people, their Jeremy — Hunt still Secretary of State for Health --
offered newbies practical advice by spending the whole half hour staring at his shoelaces.
He would have stared at Dave’s but the sycophants seat was occupied.
Denis Skinner kept bobbing up to ask a question but Speaker Bercow failed to call him
and so we failed to find out if he will be the next Defence Secretary.
Having been Edless for four months, this time next week the weird with the beard will be leader of the Labour Party and facing David Cameron at Prime Ministers Questions.
Yes, you did read that earlier, but the first time you didn’t believe it.
Out in the almost real world, Queen Elizabeth Windsor was meeting Queen Nicola Sturgeon on a steam train in Scotland.
It is not known if Comrade Corbyn was there getting the numbers.