Wednesday, May 27, 2015

#queenspeech - Men in tights and Michael Gove.

The Cap of Maintenance arrived for the State opening of Parliament in its own coach accompanied by a bloke in a cut-down set of curtains.

There had been initial panic when some wondered if it was a cap On maintenance, another cut from Ian Duncan Smith.

But, as the Queen was to reveal, this Cap wouldn’t be getting the tube home. 

Nor indeed would the Imperial State Crown, or the Great Sword of State, who’d both turned up in one of those - you never see a state coach then six turn up at once - events.

The journey to find £12bn more of public sector cuts wouldn’t be starting from this slice of the state.

Which is just as well since the cast of the Mikado  and anyone who’d recently passed through a looking glass  would have been up for the bullet.

Almost everybody who was almost anybody almost anywhere was there. The Lord Great Chamberlain with a big white stick; the Lord Chancellor with goatskin carrier bag.

The Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod seemed to have brought his snooker cue, and it was sticks all round for the Garter King of Arms and his pals.

The Earl Marshal might have been personally stickless but he was backed up by all the picture cards in the pack wearing enough gold braid to make a new set of drapes for the Palladium.

By the time Nanki-Poo, and Humpty Dumpty had been spotted in the crowd it was time to hear for the first time - apart from  the weekend newspapers - what the Government planned for the next five years.

In the Lords chamber those forgotten but not gone had been shoe-horned into every spare space. 

All they needed was the Queen... and in she came escorted by the grand old Duke, doing his usual job of scanning the audience for those without tickets. 

Meanwhile Dave had slipped in almost unnoticed accompanied by the leaders of the Labour Party (temporary), Liberal Party (temporary) and the SNP (temporary if Alex Salmond gets his way). 

Suddenly one of drapes moved and the artist formerly known as Michael Gove, revealed himself to now be a Lord Chancellor.

Cleary no stranger to the dressing up box, it was his job to slip the Queen her alleged speech out of his carrier bag whilst bowing and scraping.

At the back, Dave kept a straight face as the Queen said he planned to lay about him with a big stick to make the country feel good again.

Chancellor George stood slightly behind him, perhaps in case his legs went and Harriet Harman, who had ignored the PM on the way in, made plans to ignore him again on the way out.

Then it was time for the Cap, the crown and the Queen to go to lunch - and Huw Edwards of course - it had, after all, been a state affair.