Friday, April 17, 2015

Matinee Miliband was the winner said the judges, apart from the ones from the Sun, Mail and Telegraph who had gone to a different concert...

He leant forward onto the lectern and had he broken into 'one for my baby' the audience would have sighed.

Old Blue Eyes himself, Matinee Miliband at his favourite venue, the Central Methodist Hall for the final of Britain's hopefully got some talent somewhere. 

They were all there, Lulu's aunty, that woman who used to keep a welcome in the hillside and a not-so-waltzing Matilda. 
That bloke who played Dick Dastardly had also turned up but it was Old Blue/grey/brown (help Justine!) Eyes who won the night. 

Not all the finalists turned up with Dave - not Brubeck, not Dozy, Beaky, Mitch and Titch's mate, but the other one, Prime Minister of Britain and Northern Ireland, double booked with the rotary. There was another bloke missing as well but nobody could remember his name. 

Anyway Ed was in fine enough voice for all of them. He teased, he grinned, he flashed (his teeth), his suit fitted and the mysterious white bit in his hair had been painted over. 

And then the MC stood up and Dimblebied the night. 

After that it was business as usual.

Scotland and Wales got together with the Greens to accuse Ed of being as bad as Dave. 

Nicola said her SNP would join Ed's band if he, pardon the pun, 'grew a pair' on the cuts. Ed demurred, thankful to be across the stage from his Scottish nightmare. 

Not-so-lucky Nigel was right next to her and got himself in such a state that he decided to insult the audience. Having somehow spotted they were all wearing 'Vote Putin' tee shirts he declared them biased. 

They agreed and booed him. 

By now nervous Nigel, spotting Nicola out of the corner of his eye, had retreated behind his lectern. 

Much more shouting followed with the woman from the outback -which she said was called Somers Town - getting really upset. 

But it was all 'eyes and teeth dear' from this new improved Ed. 

And then, just as suddenly. it was over. 
Matinee Miliband was the winner said the judges, apart from the ones from the Sun, Mail and Telegraph who had gone to a different concert. 

William Hague popped in to say his man Dave had really won by not turning up; this is a novel approach to elections and it remains to be seen how long it lasts. 

Oh and a bloke representing the bloke nobody could remember turned up but nobody really cared.