Wednesday, February 04, 2015

#pmqsketch Ham and Eds

It was the sight of eggs being fried on the florid face of the Shadow Chancellor which gave the clue it was not going to be be Labour’s day.

In fact Labour’s day today actually ended yesterday when somebody left the door open and Ed Balls inadvertently wandered out.

Tuesdays are always important days in the political calendar since they are followed by Wednesdays.

And Wednesdays means just one thing to those with nothing better to do than politics, Prime Ministers Questions.

The plan, as regular readers know, is for the Leader of the Opposition - present incumbent E. Miliband - to stick it to the PM, impress his supporters and depress Dave’s. But, that was before the other Ed discovered a gap in his Tuesday night social schedule for an interview on Newsnight.

He was there to refute charges that Labour was anti-business after various Tory donors surprisingly said they were.
Not true, said the Shadow Chancellor, because he’d come straight from supper with a businessman called Bill - whose surname he could not remember.

You could tell a public execution was on its way by the drooling chops of the beserkers, as the massed ranks of Tory backbench yobs are known. Passing motorists must have thought Elvis had returned by the volume that welcomed Ed Miliband to PMQs.

Everyone knew that whatever the question was from him to Dave, there was only one answer, Ed Balls.

And so it turned out.

The Labour leader asked what must have been a very clever question about hedge funds since no one seemed to understand it.

The PM knew enough to know it spelled danger, linking rich people and their money with Tory Party funds. But, he also knew that the answer known as Ed Balls was sitting there right in front of him.

The Shadow Chancellor, said Dave, had broken bread the night before with “Bill somebody,” — which was now Labour’s official policy. The other Ed - the leader - kept hedge funding, but, the day was done.

By now the rain cloud which had accompanied Ed B into the chamber had spread to cover the whole of the Labour benches counting the days down to victory or the dole.

Over on the Tory side joy was unconstrained, particularly among Dave loyalists which a Tuesday night doco (get a life) revealed can be easily identified.
It is not, as some thought, by the shininess of the soles of their shoes, polished for their journey up the PM’s bottom, but by the slavishness of their questions.

Down the front bench The Secretary of State for Local Government, Eric Pickles, had a big red book open on his knees. Was it “This is your life” for the PM.

Whatever, Dave looked ready to lick himself for lunch.