Wednesday, December 03, 2014

#pmqs #autumnstatement Foam Flecked Chancellor.

It was when he said we could, at last, pay off the debts incurred to fight the First Word War, that the Chancellor’s mouth was checked for flecks of foam. 

He had turned up anyway a bit pasty faced, his hair pared down to a frightening Number Two, wildly clutching a sheaf of notes. He had traditionally leaked almost anything he planned to announce in his Autumn Financial Statement at the weekend.

But tradition also demanded he appear in front of MPs to tell them what he’d told Fleet Street last Friday.

Now everyone knew that Chancellor George was keeping a few treats back to get more good headlines on the day. However settling up a loan with person or persons unknown we’d borrowed back in 1915 to help thrash the Germans was not what was expected. Instead Tory MPs turned up loud and lusty to hear what George had in mind to help them win the war of 2015- or at least the general election.

Luckily for George, however, Prime Ministers Questions had to play out its weekly performance before he was called to account.
Normally the Dave And Ed show leaves at least one of them suicidal as MPs fill in their score cards. But the project of George in the stocks seemed to have put a spring into the step of to Prime Minister. 

The Leader of the Labour Party also seemed remarkably chipper as he cozied up to Ed Balls, also in the frame as Shadow Chancellor. In fact the missing Ed Miliband - the one who used to trounce Dave weekly - seemed to have turned up.

In advance of new promises on the economy from George, Ed hammered the old broken ones from Dave. The Prime Minister roundly lost his rag, any train of thought he might have boarded and accused the Eds of maso sadism. This, puzzled MPs discovered later was the mis-statement of a word describing tendencies of a sexual nature involving punishment.

All of which provided just the introduction the Chancellor - for whom punishment seems often seems a pleasure - needed.

George, whose addiction to the five plus two diet may or may not be covered by the above, could have come straight from the coffin judging by his pallor.
Having promised four and a half years ago to pay of Britain’s debts and make everyone happy, wealthy etc - and failing - he did not have a lot of wriggle room. But the man written off after pasty-gate, didn’t get where he is by being shy and retiring and he wasn’t today.

New roads, old pensions, something for Scotland, something for North, West and East, something for everyone.
He even produced a hat out of which a rabbit with “no more stamp duty” duly stamped on its bum was produced.

Tory MPs went beserker (sic) than normal, and Danny Alexander and Vince Cable didn’t know whether to twist or bust as George thanked them too.

And if all this wasn’t enough, Ed Balls had yet to get to his feet.
We need now to recall that this same occasion a year ago marked the nadir - so far - of Ed’s career.

Whatever the reason, his stutter or not, his intervention was a disaster egged on by the recidivists employed as mouths by Tory MPs. But it was a ready Eddie who turned up today with enough questions for George to get him shuffling and to take the sting out of the bovver boys.

By the way; The Office of Budget Responsibility says 60 per cent of the cuts in public spending are yet to come.

PS. Nick Clegg was missing again. Does he have to be paid back?