Wednesday, November 19, 2014

#pmqs Nov 19th- Miliband's Myleene Moment.

In the end it was a toss up between the man with Rochester stamped on his forehead and the one with Myleene stamped on his arse.

Prime Ministers Questions is one of those grand parliamentary occasions where matters of great import to the nation are supposed to be discussed. They aren’t usually and today was no exception.

Instead, Pinky and Perky, playing out what could be the dying days of the two party system, bashed each other for a half an hour with pigs bladders tied to sticks. That, of course, is not fully true, but then again, nor is PMQs. In times past it was an immutable law of politics that was good for the government was crap for the opposition.

PMQs was the weekly opportunity for whoever was winning to show off in front of their adoring supporters.
But, thanks to Alec Salmond, Nigel Farage, Clacton and tomorrow - Rochester - not forgetting Strood - all of that has gone, perhaps forever. Dave knew he was in for a slapping even before he shoved his face above the firing line. 

The word Rochester, mangled through every accent in the country, was all that could be heard. With defeat in tomorrow’s by-election staring him in every orifice all he could do was ape a grin and bear it.

In times past of course,the leader of the opposition would now rise to accept the plaudits of his supporters on the eve of another historic win. But, in a seat once held by Labour, that world has now gone and a distant third to Ukip is the best they hope for.
With that future, it was obvious Ed didn’t want to hang around Rochester any longer than the PM. 

Back to basics was his ploy. The bedroom tax versus the mansion tax. Why were the Tories in favour of the first and against the second. The PM had a one word answer “Myleene”.

It should be immediately pointed out that the answer had nothing to do with the question, but regular readers know that this is the whole point of PMQs.

What Dave was referring to was an intellectual tussle earlier in the week between Ed and Myleene over the mansion tax.

Myleene Klass was appearing as a former member of the now defunct pop band Hear’Say on a TV panel show offering her views on the economy. Ed Miliband was appearing as a member of what some say is the now defunct Labour Party offering his views on the same subject.

The Labour leader found himself somewhat wordless when Myleene - believed to be worth a few bob - savaged his mansion tax plans for home over £2m by saying it would not buy you “a decent sized garage”. You could see the relief on the faces of Tory MPs that other ordinary people like Myleene felt the same way they did.

And it was obvious that many had not even thought that the mansion tax could possibly be levied on the garages where their limousines sleep.

Talking of obvious, to anyone watching the show on the night, it was clear Ed had no idea who Myleene was. And anybody watching PMQs today, could see he clearly hadn’t made many enquiries since.

So when Dave dropped her name into the conversation, the Labour leader looked unnerved once again. As he ran up and down the scales, trying to find a suitable note to reply in, whatever advantage he had been gained out of Rochester was lost.

As Ed slumped back in his seat Dave happily returned to the Tory election strategy of monstering his every move. It was only when he was listing his latest litany of insults that boredom drew the eyes away from his florid features to the spot by his side normally occupied by a somnolent Nick Clegg.

Had he dyed his hair grey and had whatever is the opposite of a face lift or was that the Paymaster General Frances Maude in his place?
Should inquiries be made - naaahhh!