Wednesday, May 14, 2014

PMQs May 14th- Dave, Ed, Nick and Nigel; "Through a glass darkly."

Ed Miliband’s friends say if you meet him personally you will warm to him - which gives him just 61 million handshakes to go.
With that figure in mind and just 12 months until the general election then every day counts, but not today, Wednesday May 14.

This day will go down as the one the Labour leader got a medal not just for getting up 
but, for going out. For a man who discovered two days ago he is less popular than Nick Clegg - himself less popular than that one with horns and a forked tail - bravery indeed.

And if medals are handed out in pairs then a second one to Miliband E. for having the brass neck to turn up in the House of Commons.

Back in the day, Wednesdays in Whitehall were where Ed entertained at Prime Ministers Questions. David Cameron dutifully turned up to be grilled - and roasted - in time for lunch in front of his increasingly dismayed MPs. Ed shone, the polls bounced, Dave exploded and Ed found himself with friends in the PLP.

But, all that must seem like a dream now that the economy has turned, unemployment still keeps falling, and so do the polls.

At one stage it looked as if Ukip would do Labour’s job for it and sweep the Ed’s etc
back into Downing Street. But, with Ukip now biting both ways it’s suddenly squeaky bum time for the party of the people.

You could tell times had changed as the Prime Minister levitated his way to his seat on the back of cheers from his side.

There can be few sights more frightening than Tory MPs taking their knives out of their leader’s back to find someone else to aim at.

But, Ed, used to wearing a Labour Party stab vest, looked surprisingly cool for what was about to come.
He began by complimenting Dave on the latest fall in unemployment through teeth more gritted than the M1. At this, rotund Tory MPs appeared to lie on their backs waving legs and arms in the air - or at least they could have done bearing in mind the general jollity. Labour MPs meanwhile swallowed wasps and their leader tightened the straps on his vest.

Pleasantries out of the way, Ed spat a Pfizer in the general direction of the PM who countered with an Astra Zenica.
With good news all abounding, the Government front bench was once again full of
those who know a reshuffle is on the way.

Chancellor George swopped smiling insults with his opposite number; Foreign Secretary William Hague made a rare state visit and Jeremy Hunt looked uncertain yet again why he had not been found out.
Luckily for Ed M, the other Ed took a few seconds off being rude to George to hurl a couple of available insults in the general direction of the PM. 

In an uncertain world, Ed Balls mountaineering up Dave’s patrician snout is still a certainty. Happily ahead of the game, the PM snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, lost his rag and gave Ed M an unexpected score draw.

To be fair to the massed bands of the Conservative Party all of this and, one suspects all the content of the interchange, had been lost on them in the general melee.

But never knowingly guilty of letting facts get in the way, they cheered their leader to the same rafters they would gladly have nailed him to last month.

As Ed slipped thankfully back into his seat it emerged that Punch and Judy - and PMQs - will now be taking a rest until the middle of June.

The Euro elections, the Queens Speech, Whitsun holidays and Old Uncle Tom Cobley are all being blamed for the cancellation of festivities.

But the real reason is Parliament has run out of things to do because the Coalition has run out of things to agree on.

Slumped silently by Dave’s side, his deputy Nick Clegg, not knowing when to twist or bust over his, and its, future.

No PMQs next week but there are the Euro elections.

As Nigel Farage might say: “For now we see through a glass, darkly.”