Wednesday, March 13, 2013

When One Door Closes....

There are good days and there are bad days and, sadly for David Cameron, there are Wednesdays and one of them came around today.

The mid-week mugging of the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland at PMQs has become a regular event since last year's disastrous budget but today was a corker.

He normally tries to put a brave face on his drubbing but he entered the chamber like a condemned man looking for a friend - and not finding one.

As my dad used to say,
"when one door closes, another door closes."

To be fair, he knew he was in the doodoo before leaving Number 10 with u-turns on cheap booze and the bedroom tax to defend not to mention a legion of stories about discontent in the ranks.

And stories of his temper must have gone before him as Home Secretary Theresa May had fled her normal seat on the front bench, within kicking distance of the PM, for a safer spot behind the Speaker and next to the way out.

Mrs May had demonstrated her loyalty to the PM by making a weekend bid for a job which carried the same job description as his, but apparently wasn't, for which she was monstered by Education Secretary Michael Gove, who also doesn't want Dave's job. So, you can only imagine the pleasure with which Speaker Bercow, no friend of Dave himself, called Labour leader Ed Miliband to his feet.

Ed often has the look of the other-worldly about him and today it appeared that one of the guy ropes tethering him to the planet on which we live had been cut.

It soon became clear that he had a joke - a good one at that - to crack.
In the light of his u-turn on cheap booze "is there anything he could organise in a brewery?"

Labour laughed, Tories laughed, the Speaker laughed, Ed almost levitated at the pleasure of getting it right and Dave smiled the thin smile of defeat.

Stuck by his side, international Development Secretary Justine Greening, sacked out of Transport for being not loyal enough, just grimaced.

The PM tried his best to get back into the insults with an attack on Ed Balls for being an Ed to many for the Labour leader but his heart was not in it.

The Tory terraces tried to come to his aid but appeared to be turning up the volume in direct proportion to their own disloyalty as they too tried to hide their pleasure at Dave's discomfort.

Ed was let loose again with further insults about the economy, Vince Cable (now a Tory swear word) and other stuff no-one was listening to and Dave's replies were equally ignored as mayhem (yes, she was mentioned too) broke out.

Dave tried a line about a letter from champagne socialist "Ed of Camden" worried about the mansion tax on his two million pound home. Ed of Camden, who now looked as if he'd had a few bottles, just grinned off into space.

He said he had Ed's diary entailing dinner after dinner with "union dinosaurs" but even the Tory side looked sympathetic.

Having enjoyed the blood-letting as much as anyone, Speaker Bercow finally intervened to demand everyone be re-tethered. But, with 20 minutes of questions yet to be ignored PMQs rumbled on.

Defence Secretary Phillip Hammond, implicated in the Theresa May plot last week, slipped his shins out early. Nick Clegg mouthed platitudes, Ed Balls kept waving his hand about and MPs checked their electronic devices for diversion.

They will have seen that Labour are 14 share points ahead of the Tories in today's YouGuv poll.

As the phrase omni-shambolic came to mind sitting silently was the man Dave might yet blame for for the disaster, Chancellor George.

Remember the last budget? Well it's his turn again next week.